Downshifting to Upshift: Changing the Way We Think

At my core, I wouldn't describe myself as a calm person. It's something I would like to be, but I need a lot of practice to get there. Things stress me out easily, and often, I have found myself frustrated by situations that haven't happened yet or were in my control to prevent.

However, most of the time, my frustration stems from things that I can't control- similar to how a myeloma diagnosis can feel like something uncontrollable in your life. 

At the 2023 ASH Conference, I attended an ASH Wellness Studio session in which the speaker shared simple, practical ways that we can prevent stress and frustration, even when things are not going the way that we would like them to. 

He shared four ways in which we upset ourselves in preventable ways. Hearing these in context made me realize how there are practical approaches to preventing and managing stress in my life that I can start applying today. 

These are ways that we can downshift our stress and frustration to later upshift in energy and mental wellness. Taking the time to be aware of our thoughts and actions and how they affect us can influence our lives for the better. 

Demandingness

These are rigid ideas about the self, others, or life. They often come in absolute, such as "I have to do this" or "She should have done that." These put extra pressure and high expectations not only on ourselves but on others around us. This is preventable! Can you catch yourself thinking in these absolutes and try to reframe your thought pattern? 

Perhaps you can change the thought to "I would have really liked to do that" or "She might not have had time to do that." Give yourself and others the benefit of the doubt. The majority of us are trying our best. 

Frustration Tolerance 

Your frustration tolerance underestimates our skills, resilience, and ability to adapt. How often are you allowing things to frustrate you that don't deserve your stress? Do you catch yourself getting angry easily?

Take time to realize when you are frustrated and what has caused this emotion. Then, think about it in the grand scheme of things. Are you really upset at the situation in front of you, or could it be something more (underneath) that you are truly upset about? 

Awful-ization 

This is the act of magnifying the original negative aspect of an event so as to remove it from context. It's the ultimate "awful" hyperbole, in which we make things worse than they really are. How often do we allow our low frustration tolerance to spin a situation out of control? This is awful-ization.

While a canceled doctor's appointment, a fight with your loved one after their dex dose, or a serious setback in lab values are serious and frustrating situations, take time to make sure that you aren't making the situation worse through your thoughts and actions. This is much easier said than done, and I am not suggesting that you should be "happy, go-lucky" in any of these situations, but being aware of our emotions and thought patterns can help prevent a difficult situation from becoming worse. 

Depreciation 

Often, when we are frustrated or upset, we depreciate ourselves and others. What gives us the right to depreciate ourselves? What gives us the right to depreciate others?  When we put ourselves, others, or life down with negative and derogatory labels, we miss out on the positive, or even neutral aspects of things happening. For example, "I was able to take some deep breaths and prevent a meltdown." or "He handled that stressful situation really well when we received that bad news." 

Pay attention to the good that you and those around you are doing. This can change your entire outlook on the situation! 

I hope that these tips help you in your ability to manage frustration and stress even with a myeloma diagnosis. Less stress is desirable and needed for all of us!

ASH 2023 Resources

Would you like to watch ASH 2023 myeloma research interviews from the investigators themselves? Click "ASH 2023" here: HealthTree University Conference Coverage

To read other ASH 2023 articles, click here: HealthTree 2023 ASH Articles