Being diagnosed with cancer can change many parts of a person’s life. It can affect their health, relationships, routines, and plans for the future. During this time, the words used by doctors, family members, friends, and even the media can also have an impact.
Certain phrases may be intended to encourage someone with cancer. However, not everyone experiences cancer in the same way. Some words that may feel appropriate to one person may feel uncomfortable or discouraging to another.
Keeping the person at the center
Cancer can quickly become a major part of someone’s life, but it is not their entire identity.
Person-first language can help keep the focus on the individual. For example, saying “a person living with cancer” instead of defining someone only by their diagnosis recognizes that cancer is one part of their life.
There is no perfect way to talk about cancer because every person has different experiences and preferences. Some people want to talk openly about their diagnosis. Others may not.
Some questions you may consider asking include:
Is there anything you want to share?
Is there anything you are not comfortable talking about?
Listening actively is also an important way to support a person living with cancer.
Talking about cancer thoughtfully
There are a few simple ways to help make conversations about cancer more thoughtful.
Think about your audience. Before speaking or writing about cancer, consider who may be listening or reading. A phrase that seems appropriate in one setting may feel very different to someone who is newly diagnosed, experiencing a relapse, or grieving a loved one.
Choose clear language over dramatic language. Cancer is already a serious topic. Words or phrases that reference death, hopelessness, or worst-case scenarios may create unnecessary fear.
Follow the person’s lead. Pay attention to the words someone uses to describe their own experience. Do not assume everyone prefers the same language.
Do not force positivity. Encouragement can be helpful, but people should also feel comfortable expressing different emotions like fear, anger, sadness, and frustration. Instead of immediately telling someone to “stay positive,” acknowledge what they are feeling.
Ask when you are unsure. You do not have to guess which words someone prefers. It is okay to ask how they would like their diagnosis or experience to be described.
Be willing to correct yourself. Everyone will occasionally say something that does not come across as intended. If that happens, acknowledge it, apologize, and choose different language in the future.
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