I’m a 42-year-old woman and having high risk CLL is quite unusual for us. Today, I got my Calquence delivered, and it came with a little freebie from the pharmaceutical company. Which, of course, also came with a pamphlet and information about the medication. Of course, all of the photos are of older folks. And I think I just have to giggle at it because what other choice do we have? I joke that I’m the wrong kind of unicorn-certainly unusual and interesting to my care team but also I feel like sometimes they don’t know what to do with me or what to say to me. On my last visit, my nurse practitioner tried to reassure me that people with CLL have “full lifespans “ and that I should expect 20 to 25+years. Which is amazing in the context of cancer. But when I think about the fact that my son in 20 to 25 years will be younger than I am now. It just doesn’t feel like enough time.. So sometimes I feel like gallows humor is the only option. I joke about things like , Why contribute to my 401(k) or IRA if I’m never going to be old enough to use it? And while some might find that morbid I choose to find humor in it because somehow it keeps me moving forward. So I look at these photos of older patients, and I just have to laugh because something the pharma company is targeting at me reflects a place I may never get to. And if I don’t choose to find that funny then it’s just too sad. To laugh at how ridiculous this all is somehow makes it all less heavy.